I’ve heard a lot of them before, but I thought I would share it with everybody here just to lighten the day.

I took out the usual “forward to everyone in your mailbox and all the gods will shine on you” message from the bottom of the mail.

But hey, if you’d like to, feel free to send this on…

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that’s more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(WOW!!!)

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour

(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.

(Honey, I’m home. What the…..?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm……)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

Who doesn’t love a little useless knowledge in the morning?

Enjoy your day

© James for Make a good house a GREAT home, 2010. | Some Useless Knowledge | 2 comments. Click here to add yours... |

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Do YOU have anything you’d like to write about? With over 1200 subscribers to this site, it will get read by quite a few people.

Anyway, here goes:

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue-Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

20. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

21. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

22. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

23. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

24. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

25. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

26. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far..

27. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

28. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

© James for Make a good house a GREAT home, 2010. | A List of Things to Ponder | Only one comment. Click here to add yours... |

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They can be so much fun that I even think it’s OK to bring out a computer at a party. But that’s just my opinion.

20 Questions Game

I’m sure you all remember the game of 20 Questions… You ask someone to think of something, and you have 20 questions to ask in which to guess it.

Well, pay this site a visit and see how AMAZING it is when it guesses what you’re thinking about: www.20Q.net

Believe me. Just try it. We once spent 2 hours at a dinner party playing it (trying to out-wit it).

It gets addictive!

There’s no catch, it’s just a game that literally MILLIONS (over 70 million so far) have played, allowing the game to learn the answers to most guesses.

LOL Cats – I Can Has Cheezburger

There’s a good chance you’ve already seen this website. Especially if you have a cat, or are just generally into “cute”.

If you visit icanhascheezburger.com, you’ll get to see cute photos of cats with captions that just add that little extra to make it funny.

Here are a couple of examples:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Fail Blog

Now we start to step into a humorous yet depressing area.

The Fail Blog contains photos and videos of things that make you think “how could someone be so stupid”.

It highlights some of the blunders, bloopers and just plain idiotic actions (or mistakes) that humans are capable of.

And we get to laugh at them all!

Here are a few examples:

8 Days a Week FAIL!

see more Fail Blog

Bicycle Helmet FAIL!

see more Fail Blog

Swim Suit FAIL!

see more Fail Blog

Racism FAIL!

see more Fail Blog

Answer FAIL!

That last video is similar to the “Racist Australians” post I had. Hilarious!

FMyLife – F*** My Life!

Once again, a little more hilarious depression on www.fmylife.com.

This site contains short messages that people have sent in that show how depressing their life is.

You would think that this wouldn’t be included here because these sites are funny, but take a look at a few of the examples and see if you think they’re funny…

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, “You snooze, you lose.” Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

.

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

.

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. “She” was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

.

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend’s name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

.

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

.

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said ‘Good one honey’. I told her I wasn’t joking, and she took my face in her hands and said ‘You ARE joking!’ Then she left. FML

.

Today I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I pet her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

.

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend’s house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying “There’s a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]” Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

Other fun websites?

So, do you have any other websites you enjoy and would like to share?

Please, don’t use this as an opportunity to self-promote. I do enough of that for everybody.

And, just to finish off, here’s a cool graph from the folks at graphjam.com:

see more Funny Graphs

© James for Make a good house a GREAT home, 2009. | 4 Websites You MUST Read and Share With Friends | No comments yet. Click here to add yours... |

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If you’re interested in selling your house, I’m not sure you should specify “NO ASIANS!” in the sales copy. I’m sure that’s illegal all over the world.

But that didn’t stop this chap from doing it:

(email subscribers, don’t forget to visit this link to view the video online: “Australians are RACIST! Or are they?“)

Tell me if that’s not the funniest video you’ve seen in a LONG time! I think my neighbours must think I’m crazy right now, laughing by myself in an empty house.

© James for Make a good house a GREAT home, 2009. | Australians are RACIST! Or are they? | No comments yet. Click here to add yours... |

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Visit this page: eBooks for Subscribers
And download my 2 eBooks: "How to Prune Roses" and "The HomeMade Flytrap"

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